Blog update; as the days become more hectic it seems.

My college class is very challenging and also very revealing about how my grammar and punctuation skills were in need of this refresher course.  I enjoy writing and I plan to share some of my college writing work on this blog between now and December.

Lucy, my sweet little puppy, is almost 4 months old now and she is proving to be very smart.  He will sit and lay down on command, most of the time.  She is crate trained, and house training accidents are becoming less and less.  We are getting into a routine and she is a bundle of energy as puppies tend to be.  Playing fetch with a tennis ball, digging up mole canals, dribbling a soccer ball, and intense nibbling of the cat’s ears are some of her favorite past times.  She has single handedly created much needed laughter in our home.  We love her dearly already and cannot imagine life without her!  My husband and I are planning our tenth anniversary trip and have decided that she will go along with us. 

My son has completed his 28 day inpatient rehab, moved into a transitional living apartment, has a sponsor (for the first time ever), and started a new job two days ago.  He is still feeling very positive about his decision to remove himself from our community and to start over in a new city.  His outlook is very positive, he has found an AA group that he really seems to respect and enjoy.  It is so amazing to me that days ago my son was in the depths of active addiction and my heart ached for him, understanding there was nothing I could do.  One step at a time, one day at a time, he found his way back.  He knew where he needed to be and what he needed to do, and he did it before it was too late.  He has told me more than once that is he so thankful to be alive and to have his life back.

Me:  Well all of the above, along with family visits, house work, yard work, and my full time job-- I am sleeping very good at night.  As Halloween approaches this coming weekend I must admit that I love to frighten little children who come seeking candy at my door.  Is this wrong?  Nah!  It is safe and harmless, and everyone ends up laughing including the kids. We have our usual spider trap ready, the ghosts are hung, the candy bowl is full, and rotten pumpkins adorn my front porch, so I guess you could say we are ready!  I hope that everyone has a safe and Happy Halloween, All Saints Day, and weekend.

 

 

 

One more thing before I close for today:  For those of you who are heart sick because your loved one has not found their way to recovery yet.  Don’t ever give up or let go of hope for them.  Be on the ready and prudent to help support them (however you can) in recovery when they make that decision.

 I felt like he was not hearing me when I would say…

“…Son- we will always love you! But we can only help you or support you in recovery.”

But, he heard me!  My son’s father was so angry and hurt by yet another relapse that he could not reach out and be supportive or loving toward his son at first this time around.  I understand being angry, but I think it might be better if we focus our anger on the disease not the person.  We need to always stay hopeful and ready to reach back out, again and again if necessary, when they reach out for recovery.

Recovery is their only hope for a happy and healthy life with addiction.

 

 

 

Back to School and more.

So yep, I am going back to school!  In Middle School (we called it Jr. High back then) and High School, I always knew I would be a College Graduate.  My dad made me a promise that the day after I graduated from college, he would buy me any car I wanted.  ANY CAR?  Yes, he said Any Car!  I remember having a magazine picture of a red MG Midget convertible hanging on my bedroom wall for years.  So off to college I went, the only trouble was that I was NOT prepared for life on my own even though I thought I was. 

 

I was raised in what I liked to call a “strict” home environment.  More to the truth my home environment was more about being controlling rather than strict.  I had freedoms handed down by my parents on a daily basis, but it was all controlled and purposeful.  When I moved off to college, my parents pretty much let go of any and all control, and me being a five hour drive away probably helped with that.  My new found freedom was adored.  I did well in some classes that came easy for me, and struggled in some that did not.  The freshman first quarter (quarter system back then) was not going to be judged to harshly by anyone and certainly no one, including myself, ever dreamed that I would drop out of college.

 

“A Drop Out.” my father said with great disappointment, but it was all about pride; my pride got crushed and my feelings were beyond repair.  A disagreement between me and my parents left me out on the streets like a homeless person.  The whole incident would have blown over and life would have returned to normal if I had just not been so devastated.   I dropped out of college before I could even finish my first year, and that decision has haunted me for over 30 years now. 

 

In the past thirty years, in between marriages, children, divorce, and unemployment, I have gone BACK TO SCHOOL 4 different times, but I have yet to get a degree in anything.  But I am determined if nothing else, to get that degree; even if it is just an Associate in Business.  I have always loved learning and being with other people learning; especially young people.  A refresher course in English Composition is my first academic requirement which will begin next week.  Hopefully this course will not only serve me well in my future academic studies, but will also help my blog.  I have gone back to school so many times I am not nervous at all.  I am past the point of caring about my age, and being the oldest person in the class.  What will bother me will be if I make less than a 4.0 score in this class.  I think I hold myself to a high standard partly because of my age, and partly just because that is what I want to achieve.   Visualization can be a component of success and I will implore that attitude- for good measure.

 

Working a fulltime job, part time school will take longer, but I don’t care about that either.  As I have aged many things like time, nervousness, and other people’s perceptions have taken on new meanings for me.  To quote the fabulously attractive and wise Rhett Butler character;

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”  This iconic quote has become my mantra of sorts when questions come up about what others might think and how that relates to me.  I care about what a handful of people think, and I know I can go to them with any concern I may have.  I also know that they will always give me an honest and un-obtuse opinion.  In the RE-Vamp of my life, which is also known as my life with addiction, I have pondered many thoughts about my dreams and happiness.   If it is important to me and can be a positive and healthy influence in my life- then I’m going for it!  And in this case…I am going for it AGAIN!

 

Another decision I made recently was to try again with a companion pet, but this time no rescue dog for me.  I tried 2 different rescue dogs and neither of them worked out.  I was very distraught over the fact that I could not bond with either of those dogs, but I did manage to find them new companions that did bond with them.  This time I decided to wait a little while before I jumped back into pet ownership.  Maybe my standards were too high.  Maybe my expectations were impossible.  Maybe I was not meant to love another dog.  I just could not understand why I had such a difficult time with those two rescue dogs.  But with time it was inevitable, I wanted a dog and I was going to have a dog.  And so last week I purchased a female puppy  I named Lucy.  She had been previously purchased but returned to her breeder by another family; and when I meet her for the first time I knew she was the dog for me!  She is 3 months old, full of energy, very smart, and more importantly VERY LOVING!  The loving part of this sweet little puppy has brought me and my family great joy every day that she has been with us.    In the past week we have made some progress with her potty training and general commands.  She was a good decision and I have decided that she is a rescue pup, even though I bought her from a breeder.  Little Lucy has rescued ME! Like I said… I am making things happen in my life and fulfilling dreams that are healthy and positive for me and the ones that I love!  That includes letting myself be rescued by a puppy!

 

Everyone say hello to Lucy---- the newest addition to our family!