A Hugs Worth

Some people are not "huggers", but I am. I am usually the first one in our family to open my arms for a hug; to get or give...it matter little to me a hug is a hug. My twin 16 year old stepsons always stop in front of me when they are leaving to head back to their Mom's house to wait for that goodbye hug from me. They do not offer up hugs to me, but they accept my hugs because they have come to know that to refuse would be futile.

A hug can be so powerful, so simple, and so universal. You almost always get hugged back if YOU are the one who begins that process. If you need a feel good moment, a distraction from your day, just search "free hugs" on YouTube and you will see something pretty awesome.
You would think that something so simple would be so easy, and especially for me, the resident hugger in the family. But something happened that turned my "hugger" instinct off. I was caught off guard.
I have learned over the past year or so that if I find myself in a situation where I don't know what to do, I try and not "do" anything or say anything. I think that is what happened, but it has really bothered me.

Our town held a Children's Mardi gras parade in our downtown area. This was a non-motorized event for little and big kids alike. A dress up event; with face painting, balloons, masks, cookies, music, and lots of fun. I decided that it would be fun to take my son’s children as part of their visit with Nana (that is me).

It was a festive event, the weather held out, and our other two grand children also came with their Mom and Dad. We had just finished watching the parade of all the little tykes marching around the block when it happened. Out of the blue my son showed up, all smiles and happy to see his kids, but looking very grungy and unkempt. The kids were thrilled to see their daddy who they rarely see anymore. I was surprised he showed up at all, we had already been there over an hour and the festivities were winding down. When we first arrive to the downtown area my granddaughter told me ..."Daddy is going to come too Nana", but things were winding down and his appearances are really unpredictable these days. I was shocked to say the least at his appearance, I did not know what to say other than "Hey Son" when he said hello. I stood their shocked and concerned for my only son who looked like an unshaven, dirty, homeless person. I said nothing to him, but I smiled a lot at him as he interacted with his children. But here is the kicker to this story...It is about what I didn't do rather than what I did that caused me great remorse. I did NOT offer my heroin addict son that all too familiar token of my love...A HUG. We ended up giving him a ride to the house where he has been "staying" after he refused to go to lunch with us. We dropped him off and said our goodbyes, and still no hug from Mom.

It was later that afternoon, after we had taken the grand kids back home to their Mom's house, when the thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

WHY DIDN'T I HUG HIM?
TODAY MAYBE THE LAST TIME THAT I SEE MY SON, WHY DIDN'T I HUG HIM??????????

This thought repeated in my brain a hundred, no a thousand times. Why???????????????????

Today, it matter not the "Why?” the only thing that matters is that I never let that happen again!

I hope I learned a very tough lesson that I will not EVER forget.
No matter how shocked, surprised, upset, I ever get I will always hug my son when I see him from now on!
For me, this is one way that I will NOT do nothing! Hugging is doing something- I think this will become my new motto.