Stages

I see addiction as a disease that has many “stages”. Many times I will hear people talk about the stages of Cancer, and I think of the disease of addiction the same way for my son and our family.


Stage I: The first realization of the illness. The Diagnosis.

I failed to do my part to really learn about this horrible disease, thinking I knew what addiction was and how it would affect us. The Stigma, the cover-up, the denial, the hurt, the sadness.

Stage II: Initial treatment, the success and the failures, “the weeping and gnashing of teeth”.

For some, this is where treatment can begin, take hold, and remission begins.

Stage III: Slip up’s, relapses, heartbreak, lost hope, regained hope, enabling, detaching, tough love, questions, tears, pain, love, honesty, lying, understanding, compassion.

The disease is progressing. This is a place of ups and downs; remission is lost but NOT forgotten.

Stage IV: Preparing for the worse, but hoping for the best.

Never giving up hope and never losing sight of unconditional love.



I see remission of the disease of addiction as the ultimate goal for my loved one and for all addicts. Just like with other diseases, remission can be random and not guaranteed. If ignored, if the disease is not managed into remission, the disease will “win” and end the life that it has attacked. Years of remission and sobriety cannot prevent the disease from sneaking back into to full blown active status. Vigilance and acceptance of a life long journey with addiction is so absolutely necessary. Which can explain (for me) why some can go through rehab and successfully achieve remission, and others cannot. This also explains for me how after years of successful remission, one day the disease can rebound with a fury, as if no treatment was ever done to begin with. The starting over process seems even more difficult and challenging than the very first time recovery is approached, a new found shame is at hand.

My son was in remission for four years, after a very lengthy and difficult battle. Upon his initial diagnosis, his treatment was accepted by him and granted by the State/County Judicial System. There was no cost, other than hefty fines and court cost, and it was a success it seemed even though we all knew how fragile he was upon his release, after almost a year away.

When we found out that my son’s disease was back again with a vengeance, none of us were sure exactly when and how it happened. Three years ago, we began to see the signs of possible relapse, but my son refused to admit that his disease had regained strength. Just little more than10 months ago my son finally admitted his powerlessness and checked himself into a detox facility to begin renewed treatment for his disease. Based upon his health insurance restrictions, he was allowed 3 days detox and 7 days rehab before he was released to an AA sober living house. He relapsed less than 48 hours later and has been in active addiction since then.

The hardest part of his relapse is this time has been his reluctance to reconsider a treatment that previous failed him. He is being fooled by his disease to think that “he” has control over the disease. He refuses to believe that rehabilitation can offer any “New” information on how he needs to “treat” his disease. It certainly seems that he is bouncing between stage III and stage IV.

I find that Living just for today (one day at a time) helps to ease the burden of the ‘What if’s’ of this disease. I often just want to hug him tight, holding him for as long as I possibly can so that the love I have inside me for him will magically transport between our bodies so that he can feel it.

I am finishing up a wonderfully enlightening book about addiction, ‘In the Realm of Hungry Ghost’ by Gabor Mate, MD.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who either admits they Do NOT understand the disease of addiction, or anyone who thinks they DO understand the disease of addiction. Parts of this book are difficult to read as a mother who loves her son and feels that she did the “best she knew how” to raise him. But I suggest that if you do decide to read this book that you read on past the hard parts, the parts you disagree with, and the parts that piss you off. Read the entire book. This book has helped me tremendously to come to terms with my son’s disease and what I can do to stay focused on how to best love my son as addict.

I am no expert on addiction; these are just a few of my thoughts and feeling on living my life with addiction.