Just Today

Just for Today, Living for Today, One Day at a Time… Not just a motto: a way of life.

These familiar mottos are accepted and repeated over and over again in AA groups for those struggling with addiction. When life becomes challenging and difficult, this motto should be adjusted to, one second, one minute, and one hour at a time if necessary. I will always remember something my son told me about his battle with addiction and his recovery that really opened my eyes not only about his struggle, but also about the concept of one day at a time. He said to me…” one day, one minute, one hour-- I can do anything for a minute, and then another minute, and then an hour, and then a day. If I try and think about weeks, and months and years, I get overwhelmed.”
Living my life, one day or one hour at a time is new and refreshing for me at 52 years old. I feel free from demands, and the what if’s that can burden me down. The ‘One Day at a Time’ motto, as a life attitude, is how I deal with so many things now. Coming to terms with loss and going through the stages of loss (denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance) is one of the many challenges in life that this attitude can help with.

While I was growing up, my father worked for a corporation that required him to be transferable. My family relocated 6 times to different cities all over the south from the time I was 2 until I was 13 years old. When I was 13 we moved to a fairly small town where my Father would finally retire from his position. I graduated High School there and we lived there longer than we had lived anywhere, so for all practical purposes it was my adopted hometown. Not being from this town and not having cousins or family members around like most everyone else, I was not only the “new” kid but I was also “not from here”. I meet kids in the neighborhood and from church, but I did not have a ‘Best Friend’ until the end of my junior year. My first and only best friend and I got along great, we had a lot in common, and we were together as much as we could be. We stayed friends for a very long time. We went through a lot together, marriages, abuse, divorce, financial troubles, I really thought we would be friends forever, but we are no longer friends. The loss of that friendship was devastating to me. I still miss her and our relationship but I have no regrets. Coming to terms with the loss of my best friend has taken time. At first I was in denial, then angry, then sad, and now I have moved on with an enlightened understanding. I am truly grateful for the years that we did have together as best friends. I will always think kindly of her and hope only for the best for her. But like the song says…now she’s just somebody that I use to know. Today I am happy to be able to look back without any resentment. Even though this person did not die, our relationship died and that was the loss for me.

When I found out about my son’s addiction another huge loss was felt in my heart! I felt that I had lost my innocent, vibrant, smart, articulate, beautiful son to drugs, heroin. I had to let go of some of the mothering techniques that were enabling for him. Many of those things went completely against my instincts as a mother. He was sick and needed me to take care of him I thought. He was only 18 when we first discovered his addiction and he was hurting. Nothing about my son’s heroin addiction has been easy, but taking everything one day at a time makes it doable. But not only that, it makes life easier. I have gone through every stage of loss, and then with every slip up and/or relapse those same emotions and stages were repeating over and over again. Now, living one day at a time helps me live healthy and happy, knowing that my son will always and forever be an addict either in recovery or active. It’s not just a motto for me. I look for and find many things everyday to be grateful and just take each day as it comes.

Not every day is easy, but one day at a time, one day at a time, whatever it takes….one day at a time.