My home sits on a large lot and is loaded with trees, big trees, with BIG limbs. A big limb happened to fall out of one of those trees causing some damage and barely missing my husband’s 2013 Chevy Equinox. The limb is very large and heavy; we were not having any high winds, and the limb is seemingly healthy, or was. My husband and I had a long conversation just last week about the trees in our yard that need trimming and how costly the work will be. My refrain has always been…even when we get all that expensive work done, the very next day another limb could break? Trying to control nature is impossible! We (I) love the trees, and they provide shade and beauty to our property but they come with a great risk too. We have always known of the danger of having these big trees but we just haven’t worried about them on a daily basis. We have taken the attitude that …If it happens, it happens… and we will deal with that then. But with this big limb falling so close to our home, we feel we must also attempt to reduce our risk and be responsible homeowners. By reducing risk, I am setting up some boundaries. I can have these big trees, but I need to be proactive in trimming them back.
Reducing risk is a theme to my life these days it seems, and it is working! In trying to live my life healthy and happy, and having a son who struggles with addiction, I have learned to take this same approach. Before, I was trying to control something that I had NO control over; someone else’s life. This wait and see approach until something becomes a risk to ME may seem like a lazy approach to some, but it has been a life saver for me. To think that I can control another adult’s life is ridiculous. Thinking that way must be some special Mom hormone or something that never stops, but I have learned to control it, recognize it, and avoid it altogether.
I am naturally a very thoughtful planner about everything. I try and think of every possible scenario, like or dislike. Every holiday, birthday, vacation or family gathering I plan, organize, and have everything figured out way ahead of time. So this -wait and see approach to day to day life -does not come naturally to me, I have to work hard at that. I have found that with every new day this approach works best for me as long as I make a conscience effort toward that goal. I do my very best, lovingly everyday… and then try again tomorrow. My son understands my boundaries where his addictions is concerned; I have made them clear and continue to do so. Expectations are something from my past; they are not a part of today. My boss asked me the other day at work…” Not what you were expecting was it?” My response was…’ I honestly had NO expectations.’ She looked back at me with a puzzled look on her face and had no response in return.
I have no expectations with my blog either. I realize that I am certainly not the best writer, and often my attempts end up being ramblings that make no sense to anyone but me, but for now I am enjoying the writing. I also enjoy many blogs that others write as well, and websites with insight to living life with addiction. I started my blog just wanting to be part of that community. I want to share the positive life events, and any insights that might come my way. Other times I am just living my life and trying to learn to roll with it! Letting go for me meant letting go of thinking I had the cure for my son, or that I could find that cure out there somewhere for him. I just knew I could “fix him”! But looking for that cure and fix is what led me to where I am today and I am filled with a grateful heart! I now live with a sense of peace deep inside, and I know that it really is going to be ok. If you find yourself broken by addiction, I believe that no matter how bad you are hurting right now, the power is inside you to find your peace. I also believe that only YOU have that ability, no one else can find that peace inside you except you. When I was bogged down in pain and fear, I had to dig myself out of that muck. Some days I could not feel or see any progress, but I did not give up. Every new day brought me new hope and I held on to that hope, which sees me through still to this day.
I have my setbacks and I make mistakes, but that is all part of life too, so getting upset about that I find pointless. At the base/root/core of my life is honesty with compassion. I can be a very critical person, finding fault comes easy for me. This is not something that I am proud of, this is something I am working on within myself. I also find that the more comfortable I am the more vocal I can be about my criticism, so I have to be especially careful around my loved ones. Being very critical does not go hand in hand with having compassion, so I have to work on that every day! I learned to be critical, just as those who taught me to be critical learned. So with that in mind I try to correct myself out loud when I am being critical and lacking compassion, because I do not want to pass my critical thinking on to anyone else.
I cannot control nature or tree limbs falling anymore than I can control another person. I can only control how I react and how I live my life. I can react out of fear and cut down all the trees in my yard, or I can do nothing and hope for the best. OR, I can set some boundaries for what looks like danger for me, by having the trees closest to my house trimmed by an arborist who knows how to trim trees. When it comes to my son’s addiction, first and foremost this is my son’s disease, not mine. I love him dearly of course and hope that he is able to make choices that will lead him to remission, but those choices and decisions are up to him and him alone. I will not live my life in FEAR of his relapse; I will love him with compassion and keep the boundaries in place that keep me healthy. I know that no one want to be an addict and that he has the ability and power within himself to find his peace just like I do. I only want to be the best example that I can be!
Every day is truly a new opportunity to experience hope, compassion, and love; and that is what I want the highlights of my life to be as I am living life with addiction.
No comments:
Post a Comment