I am filled with excitement at the realization that my long awaited vacation is now only 3 weeks away. The next three weeks will be very busy with many events to come before we can head out on our journey… birthdays, conformations, family visits, yard sales, and charity events. I know time will fly by in anticipation of and also during our vacation week but that will be fine! With every challenge I focus on the upcoming non events of “vacation week”. Our vacation this year will be quite similar to a few vacations in the past where we have gone to the exact same condo and 3 day music festival in the Northern Caribbean, as Jimmy Buffett says. This year will be a little different in that after the 3 day music festival, my husband and I will then travel to an island key and do absolutely NOTHING for three days and nights except stare at the ocean. Now that is my kind a relaxation!
Some folks just can’t sit and do nothing for three days, but I am NOT that kind of person. I have no trouble doing nothing and the older I get I almost need a few days after something like a music festival to recover from all the dancing and walking that goes along with all the fun at the festival. My husband is the kind of guy who is a lot like the energizer bunny; he keeps going and going; until he sits down and then he is asleep. He is the hardest working person I have ever known. He gives 200 percent to his employer on a daily basis, works nights, weekends, holidays, and never ever complains. He enjoys and is proud of his job, and wants to do his very best every day. Easter Sunday, and we had planned to drive in to visit his family for the day, but first we had to drive to a potential job site for him to examine prior to providing his customer with an estimated cost. It mattered little to my husband that his customer called at the very last minute, and did not have the exact information about the location; my husband figured it all out for them. His work ethic is just part of his success, he is also very smart, cleaver, and thinks outside the box. He can work out just about any problem that his customer might need resolved. When it comes to doing things around the house he is the same way and can really help me out when the household affairs need extra attention from time to time.
We will have about a 9 hour drive before our vacation begins at our first stop, but I enjoy the drive. We take the same route each time we go. The journey is mostly through very poor rural areas of the south, but I was raised in the south and this is what I know, it is not strange to me at all. I am just as comfortable in a dirty Quik Stop gas station as I am in a 5 star restaurant, maybe more! We have learned over the years that your best bet, which is 50/50, is to stop at a McDonald's to use the restroom. Also, depending on the time of the year, we like to stop at local fruit stands and buy our snacks for the road. I remember one year I had never tried boiled peanuts, so I just had to have some. Not one of my favorite things, but interesting. I even love all the packing and loading the car the night before. We like to leave early before the sun comes up so we can see the sunrise and avoid some traffic at the beginning. My husband and I have been married for ten years almost and so far we have not run out of conversation. When it is just the two of us in the car headed out on a road trip, we are both very happy and enjoy every minute!
We are two 50 something’s who will be hanging with the kids (20-30 something’s) on the beach while dancing to live music. We have in the past gone to the festival mid morning and stayed until way past dark. One of my favorite things to do is watch the “date night” folks arrive dressed to the nine’s around dusk just to catch the “Main” act. Here we are the old, dirty, sunburned, tired, bathing suit wearing, all day longer’s sitting in the shade watching the pretty people walk by. WE LOVE IT! In the past we have left the festival once we hear a few songs of the “Main” act and we start talking about the music we enjoyed and what is yet to come the next day. We love meeting new people and being in a place filled with good food, nice people, and cool music both old and new. You put that all on a sandy beach by the Gulf of Mexico and that is our Paradise. Last year my husband wore a Gorilla mask at the festival while dancing for a while and was a big hit with everyone! He loves to make people smile, especially me!
It is a curious thing as you age, you know you are getting older with time, but you don’t “feel” older. I have these random aches and pains that come and go, I go to bed a little earlier than I use to, and I certainly LOOK older, but deep down inside I feel just as I did when I was younger. With time you not only get older you get wiser they say. Experienced is what I like to say- not wiser!
This reminds me…. The Jimmy Hendrix song Are You Experienced lyrics are below…
If you can just get your mind together
Then come on across to me
We'll hold hands and then we'll watch the sunrise
From the bottom of the sea
I know, I know you probably scream and cry
That your little world won't let you go
But who in your measly little world
Are you trying to prove that
You're made out of gold and, eh, can't be sold
Trumpets and violins I can hear in distance
I think they're calling our names
Maybe now you can't hear them, but you will
If you just take hold of my hand
These lyrics remind me that what I think sometimes is NOT reality. If I am scared and hurting it is up to ME to change that for me, it matters little what anyone else thinks. If I can just get my “mind together”… This reminds me of how far I have come in dealing with the heart wrenching pain of having a loved one who suffers from this disease of addiction. I use to think my son’s struggles were all about choices, but the “choices” are a symptom of his disease. If it was just about choices, my son would NOT be an addict! His mind would work differently and he would not be tormented by this disease every single day. Some people will say ‘Everything happens for a reason’, but I do not know about that. What I do know is that ANY THING can happen to anyone, and even if it is terrible and sad, that THING can cause something else to happen to someone else, and so on and so on. We can affect each other for better or for worse. We can learn from each other for better or for worse. I say this because I have been to a very dark, scary, sad place; A place in my mind where I could see and feel nothing but sadness and fear. I felt like I could not take another minute not knowing what to do to help my son. Worried about what I should or should NOT do, worried about where he was, what he was doing, not knowing if he was alive or not. This was the darkest place I have ever been in my life and I was wrecked with fear. But today, although my son is still and will always be an addict and I realize there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that, I am HAPPY! I am more than happy; I am engaged in MY life, looking forward to my upcoming vacation, and I don’t feel guilty about that either. I do not have all the answers, but I do know that I am living my life for the “better”. And I know that I truly LOVE my son no matter what he does, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks about any of that.
There is still so much that we don’t know about addiction and much more research needs to be done. Until socially this disease is accepted as the progressive, non discriminatory, chronic and deadly disease that it is, our society will struggle with the ability to truly help those suffering with that disease.
There is an old saying that I don’t really care for but I changed it to be the basis for overcoming the challenges of loving an addict. Happy Life=Happy wife I changed to...Happy Life= Happy Life. I mean it is not rocket science, a smile is contagious, and so on and so on. Sure some days I don’t feel good and therefore I am not my happiest, but My life happiness is truly up to me, despite whatever I many suffer from, and we all suffer something. So ….Happy Life=Happy Life. Just explain to your brain that you are going to be happy. If not right this second, then later on today, if not later on today, then tomorrow and start doing something that you absolutely LOVE everyday to make it happen! Take back your life! Seek out and find others who know what you are going through…Al-Anon meetings- you can find comfort and understanding there. Read what they suggest to help you better understand this disease, and your options. Just like in an airplane, you must first put YOUR oxygen mask on before helping others! Take care of you, and then you will be better able to take care of the ones you love and care about!
Step up and stand out as an advocate for breaking the stigma of addiction. Addiction is a chronic progressive disease that our society needs to learn more about! It is NOT about losers who just want to hang out and do drugs all day. It is fathers & mothers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters.
Instead of saying my son "is an addict" like he has a choice, I should say...
My son has addiction, but he is so much more than that!
I am the mother of a son who has addiction, but I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!
Thanks for listening… (Reading)….
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