I have discovered that Fantasy Football is very popular
these days. My 30 year old daughter and
her girlfriends have a league and they look forward to this time every
year. I don’t play Fantasy Football but
I am a huge football fan. I grew up
watching football on Sunday’s with my Dad.
Back in 60’s & 70’s stores were closed on Sundays where we lived. My Dad worked in retail so he had long hours
during the week, he did yard work or played golf on Saturday, and we had family
time on Sundays. During football season family
time was watching football games together.
My Dad was a player back in his day, and he taught me all about the game
and rules. For a girl to know as much
about football as I did impressed the boys; and to this very day I can call a
penalty before the announcers can sometimes.
Fantasy Football is just another way to get fans involved in the game, but
I prefer to just watch.
It has been 4 days since my son decided to go to detox in
hopes of entry to an inpatient rehab facility.
We heard nothing for 2 days and then finally he called. The sound in his voice was one of hope and
hurting, we could tell that he was different somehow in his words. He has such a long and difficult road ahead,
but right now this is his path and all of us that love him are very relieved.
He has been talking with several rehab facilities and has an
interview setup for this coming Thursday, but he needs to get transportation
arranged. I have always said that I
would provide him transportation to rehab whenever he needed it, and so we will
travel on Thursday together for his interview.
He will no doubt be nervous and so will I. There is a chance that he will not be
accepted and then he will have to figure something else out very quickly, but
our hopes are high.
This will be the 4th inpatient rehab for my son
in 13 years and my hope for him never fades.
Over the years my feelings, attitude, knowledge, and understanding about
my son’s addiction have changed and grown.
I began this journey –my life with addiction—in denial and disbelief and
then quickly became angry and withdrawn.
My first experience with my son going through rehab provided great
relief and happiness. I was able to put
my son’s addiction behind me, and carry on pretending nothing ever even
happened. I can remember thinking to
myself what a “bad dream” that had been, but now all was well.
The next group of events that my son’s addiction brought on would
be legal issues. A felony conviction, probation, work release, fines,
probation violations, which lead to another felony conviction, more lawyers and
Judges, Court Clerks and Deputy’s, and finally the potential transfer to the
State Prison system. But then a Drug
Court option was offered to my son, and he grabbed hold to that as if he had no
other choice. Thanks to that Judge and
that program my son stay in the county lockup for 9 months until a bed became
available for him in rehab. That period
of time while he was jailed and waiting proved very difficult for all of us
including my son. The visits, the
holidays and celebrations- his daughter was born while he was locked up- they
all were less than because he could not be a part of those with us. Once he was transferred to the rehab we all
felt a huge relief that finally he could begin to fix what was wrong with him.
On our very first family visit to that facility, which was a
6 month mandatory inpatient facility, I will never forget. The director explained to all of us there
for our family visit, that the statistics were that 9 out of 10 addicts will
relapse, that only 10% of those seeking abstinence would be able to achieve
that goal the first time around. I can
remember like it was just moments ago when I heard those words, and how the
tears began to stream down my face. Then
another mother there spoke of this being her son’s 9th attempt in rehab. I sat
there in shock and disbelief. I can
remember looking into her eyes as she spoke with no emotion and so very matter
of fact; all the while I could not contain my emotions as my tears continued. She spoke of loving her son and never giving
up hope that he would be able to find his way to recovery and hold on. I can still remember thinking…could this be
true? Could this be true for my son? No! My
son is different; he’s smart, he won’t make this mistake again. He has been
through so much, he has lost so much. And here we are seven years later and this is
his 4th time in rehab.
I am writing about this today because I think it is
important to offer this insight up to any and all who are searching to
understand and come to terms with this horrible affliction we call addiction. I
am also reminding myself. Because it
does not matter how smart they are, or how kind or sweet, or obviously how many
times they have been through detox or rehab.
The only thing that matters is now, today, this time.
Love, forgiveness, and understanding about how truly
difficult the process of recovery is for our loved ones is what gives me
compassion and empathy. If you believe
that being an addict is what your loved one wants to be, you are very wrong and
have been misguided. Yes, while the disease
is in control of your loved ones mind, they make terrible choices to used
drugs, steal and lie; so many horrible choices.
But once they find and hold on to what can keep them fighting against
that every present disease, they then begin to make progress and they start
making the right choices to stay drug free and in control.
This process will be a forever process for them, with time
the cravings will lessen and even go into hiding, but they will never leave
them. For the rest of my son’s life he
will have to fight to hold on to his sobriety one day at a time, but for right
now he is holding on one minute at a time.
I understand and realize that this time may not be “THE”
time that he gets what he needs to hold fast to his sobriety, but then again it
may be. I am rooting for him from the
couch understanding that I can’t be his coach, but I am his biggest fan. He is my number one fantasy pick and whatever
happens I won’t trade him or give up on him.
I’m gonna Hold On to him!
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